Lost that spark?

So its been a while since I have written anything and to be honest I have a few in the draft stage but never really got to the point of publishing, and heres why. For the last month I have just felt off, I have felt like I am in a state of Blah, in all honesty I felt like I have just lost my spark. Now most people that know me, know that I love to laugh at shit, I can be pretty bubbly, but I am also a realist, I tell it as it is, often that can be offensive but I am not going to pretend to be someone I am not.

Lately I have had to do a lot of pretending, pretending that shit is all good, when in fact I have been feeling like I am drowning, and I have no idea why. Yes I have been pretty stressed but nothing too crazy, I mean yeah I have had issues with my rental property but thats something I can't control, and I have someone dealing with it, and generally that wouldn't cause a lot of stress in the old me. I think the day to day life has just gotten a bit much, dealing with the kids 80% of the time by myself (single parents I don't know how you do it) and just the shit house weather, and a dodgy hip have all hit me like a freight train. I also talked to a lovely friend of mine on Friday that was feeling the same, its funny how we put on such a brave face for others but on the inside we are just so blah or flipping out.

Now I am one of those people that needs a good cry every now and then, like a Bridget Jones ugly cry where you just look atrocious, sitting in you PJ's feeling the weight off the world lift off your shoulders, you are snorting and there is snot everywhere, but after those cries you feel like a million dollars. I can honestly say I haven't had one of those in a very long time, and yet I cry for some random things and maybe watching Marley and Me will do it tonight, but I think for people like me we need to just let our shit out and move on.

I have not done any proper exercise in a while, I have had a bad hip for a while and it hurts to walk for a long time, and now I know I have to just build up my glutes but keep moving. So Last week I went to the doctor, I already knew that my thryroid was a little out, generally I know this myself as I am extra emotional, I put on weight by looking at food and I just feel like arse. But I felt like I was literally losing my mind as well, like I had 1000 things going on in my head and I couldn't concentrate, so I went to the doctor and I told her that I was feeling off, that was a load off my chest, so we had a chat and then organised a blood test. Feeling off can be put down to many things, hormonal, stress, diet or you maybe lacking Vitamins or Nutrients such as B12, Iron or Magnesium.

Too be honest my diet has also been terrible, absolutely and laziness has been the main cause, I have gone with the quick options, so this week I made a change, I decided that only I can get me out of this rut, I have change me eating back to a minimal processed foods, lots of Vegetables way of eating and I feel so much better for it, its been 6 days and I have had one not so good meal, (wedges with avocado, bacon and cheese) but I can honestly say I feel sooo much better, my gut feels better, my energy levels are better, I actually notice my moods have improved, and I feel like I am slowly getting out of my slump. This morning I also did a workout, I literally only had one booked into class and I haven't seen that lovely lady for a week or so and I thought you know what go and do the class too, you need the workout, you need to get your ass out the door, it was pissing down, but I didn't cancel, and I did it, and afterwards I came home and I did my glut building work (to support my hip) and I felt so much better, today I feel so much better.

So the plan is in place, I start my next 6 week challenge and I am doing it, 100% and I also have 10000 steps a day complete thanks to signing up to Steptember. (https://event.steptember.org.nz/donate/onbehalfof?id=2f091b93-8629-4f90-aa7b-80aab3ccb766)

I am also going to be hitting the pool hopefully 2 days a week, while the kids are being looked after, Its something that I know will not only help my hip, but it really helps you sleep well and its a great low impact workout. I find it one of the best ways to shape your shoulders and back.

So if you are one of the few that actually read the stuff I write, and you are going through something similar, know that you are not alone, that it happens to people a lot or you notice that a friend is feeling a little flat lately, reach out, talk to someone or talk to the friend, you never know whats going on in someones world and just that chat will hopefully help you or that friend.